Bowling, The Wright Way - October 14, 1997 by Don Wright
What Makes Old Bowler Grouchy?

While standing at a bowling center counter one day during a senior league, one of the bowlers came to the desk and asked, "when are you going to fix lane 18? Every week the damn thing breaks down." The counter clerk looked at me and said, "Why are the seniors such grouches?"

At the time I laughed, but let me tell you what makes us so grouchy. We're grouchy when younger people race to beat you through the door of the center and then let the door close in your face. Common courtesy is a learned trait. It starts at home.

We get a little testy when all the seats, tables and even counter space has been taken up by the proliferation of bowling balls. When centers opted to move the smokers out of the bowling circle it became the place to stack the spare ball, the ball for the 10-pin only and of course the ball that only strikes on the right lane.

We're fed up with bowlers who want to do everything except bowl. When you bowl in a traveling league and drive 1-2 hours to get there, the locals think it's okay to spend the better part of the day drinking, watching football and playing video games. Some of us want to bowl, represent our sponsor as best as possible, after all he does foot the bill and the sponsor's name is clearly depicted on your shirt. Then we have to drive home.

Television coverage of senior bowling events certainly doesn't measure up to the rest of the tour. Yet, when I talk to bowlers that watch televised bowling they all seem to enjoy the seniors the best.

The modern day "cranker" with the inflated average who insists that every ball was deserving of a strike makes us grouchy. He's the guy that kicks the ball return and cusses the center because he had seven strikes and didn't brake a deuce. Making a spare never was part of the equation. Attitudes, truck loads of balls and bowlers that don't understand it's a team sport make us grouchy.

Movies like Kingpin make us grouchy when we know that a movie about Andy Varipapa, Don Carter, or Dick Weber will never be made.

ABC makes us grouchy when they refuse to take a stand on bowling's integrity. Inflated averages, lane maintenance that ensures adult bumper bowling, brackets that is a time bomb ticking. There is no incentive for an amateur to turn pro as long as he can earn thousands of tax free dollars in brackets in amateur events. A bowler making money, regardless of the amount, is not an amateur. We forbid YABA bowlers from competing for money, deprive them of amateur scholarships, yet we allow "amateur-professionals" to not only earn tax free money, but sandbag in the process. Makes us grouchy.

Sportscasters, especially those on prior to a bowling event, who introduce bowling like they have something stuck in their throat. We don't expect everyone to love our sport anymore than we love all they televise. I mean how many times do you watch wrestling, world's strongest man, beach volleyball and kids on skate boards. I'm not putting these events down, but neither should the boob that's announcing bowling. It makes us grouchy.

PBA bowlers who fail to recognize the crowd during televised finals. All week long the crowds are there supporting the bowlers, buying the programs, participating in pro-am's and generally trying to make the bowlers feel at home. Let's face it folks, this isn't the World Series, NCAA championships, or anything considered a major sporting event. But, once the television finals come on, only a few bowlers - Norm Duke, Mike Aulby, Johnny Petraglia, to name a few, acknowledge the crowd is even there.

There are a lot of other things that make us old bowlers grouchy, but that's another column. Grouchy old bowling writers make us grouchy, too.